Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Rapist Who Are Good People

Now do not get  the wrong idea from my post title. I am in no way shape form or fashion stating Rapist are good people. It is the complete opposite in fact. This title is to address the view of people now a days on this topic. Now for this post I will be honoring the non-faming factor of a criminal. I refuse to give him his 15 minutes of limelight attention. As many of us have seen there is 'some dumbass' who is a privileged white kid that raped a young woman.

Did he get what he deserved within the justice system? Did the young woman get justice that was deserved to her? Nope. She was victimized over and over again by the boy's attorney. She was made out to be the one who did something wrong. So what did this 'dumbass' get for what he did? A slap on the wrist! He was given 6 months jail time which he will only be serving 3 months of that time. He also was given probation and has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Why? Because the judge a Stanford Alumni felt prison would be too hard on this kid. Oh did I forget to mention the protective custody while he is in jail? Yea they are worried he will be raped in jail.

I will also add that his daddy dearest feels this sentence is too harsh. His exact words as a matter of fact was all of that for just '20 minutes of action'. He thinks his son should only have to do community service speaking out against excessive drinking at parties and sexual promiscuity. Everyone who knows the 'dumbass' has talked about his likes and achievements. How the arrest due to his actions has made him depressed. No one has spoken about the victim. Not once. I read the letter the victim wrote addressing mainly her attacker. Yes I am calling him an attacker, because that is what he is. He preyed on a young woman that was in no shape to defend herself much less say no.

So I read her letter online and it really hit home for me. Her situation is much different from mine when I was raped. I will add however different circumstances does not mean it was different at all. I remember what happened to me. For an amount of time however I did not, because my brain shut out the details. So I do understand her pain of wanting to know what happened. People ask why would someone want to know the details? It is a step in healing. We want to know exactly what happened to ourselves so we can address it. You can't address something you know nothing about aside from someone else telling you. The fact of having to have your attacker fill in the blanks for you alone can be extremely traumatizing. This guy took advantage of her loss of time and memory to paint a picture that she wanted him. That she wanted the actions he forced upon her.

Then today I was looking through articles on Huffington Post. I came across one about a lady who is heading to Nebraska to address college rape. She is not only speaking up about it, but she is doing so to the face of a Coach who called her rapist good guys. That is correct guys. She was drugged and raped for over 6 hours by 4 male students at her college. At the time the coach at this Nebraska college was their football coach at the college she was attending. He only gave the two football players a short suspension from playing.  This was due to the fact he found them to be good guys who made a bad choice. A bad choice would be drinking too much and puking on your final exam the next day. Rape is not a mere bad choice. It is a crime which causes a victim to continue to be victimized. Due to her life being threatened after coming forward the charges were dropped.

Now let me tell the story of a young man accused of Rape. I want to show a big difference here. I want to show you why I say these two stories are due to White Privilege. A black male who was a successful football player had been accused of Rape. He was 17 years old I think it was, but do not hold me to this. It has been a few days since I read this article. Anyways this young man had a young lady accuse him of rape. I am not saying he did or didn't do it. I do not know the factors in the case or why he was convicted. I am using this as an example. He was sentenced to some years in prison. He was not just given a few months and that cut in half. He was not put under protective custody. He was put in a hard core prison not some jail. He did not come from a rich family and was like I stated a black male. He was given a hard cord sentencing. No one threatened his alleged victim. No one backed him the whole time saying he was a good guy. So why did they do this with the Stanford 'dumbass' and the 4 'dumbasses' from the latter story?

Sexual Assault has become a disease in this country. Allowing those we deem to be "good guys" to get away with it has too. We need to change our mindset. There is no certain look a Rapist has. He could be your next door neighbor that donates their time at the soup kitchen. Maybe even the deacon of your church. Heck it can even be the mom who helps out with every PTA meeting and school event. We can not just look and say, "Oh that is a good person. They are not a rapist." Also the mentality that a girl deserves the sexual assault, Really?!?! No one deserves it. Nobody! I don't care if a girl is wearing a skirt that her back side is hanging out of. If she does not verbally say hey I want you to have sex with me do not do it! If she is intoxicated to the point she can not make rational choices do not do it! If she is passed out do not do it! These are not a Yes! Also I will add there are girls who say No. Forcefully say no, fight back saying no, screaming in the attackers face saying no. No means no. Shoving your penis into her does not make the no a yes. Just wanted to make that clear.

Also if a girl doesn't fight back it doesn't mean she was not sexually assault. There is such a dogma around what Rape is. People think Rape means the female fought tooth and nail against her attacker. That she got beat up and sexually assaulted in a brutal way. They think if you are raped while drugged with a date rape drug then that is the only time a girl does not fight back. There are many cases where girls do not fight back due to fear. They are scared of whatever threat these dumbasses make towards them. They might be in shock due to the action that is going on. They might hope if they don't fight back the dumbass violating them will just get it over and done with.  That the dumbass will leave her be after. I will also add it doesn't matter if it is 1 second of action. That action on the attackers part creates a lifetime of victimization. It is not over for the victim the second it is over for the one attacking them. So why should they be let off so easy just because they didn't think for a few minutes of time? Also take into consideration that most people who do something and get away with it will become a repeat offender. Granted even offenders who do something and go to prison are likely to repeat. However if you have a young person who gets a slap on the wrist and told he is a good guy it was just a mere 20 minutes of action then he is going to view it as such. He will think it is okay I can just hire the best lawyers money can buy and do that mere 20 minutes of action again.

We need to crush this mindset in our culture and community. Sexual Assault of any kind is not okay. Touching a girl when she does not want it. Not cool. Pressuring someone into Sex. Not cool. Having sex with someone who does not want it. Not cool. So wake up and stop being blind. Do not continue to let that way of thinking continue. Just remember. That could have been your daughter, wife, mom or sister. What would you do if it was your family member who was Sexually Assaulted. Would it then be just a mere 20 minutes of action? A bad choice from a good guy? Stop victimizing the attackers. They are not the ones hurting here! Protect the victims! Help them understand and know they are not alone! Do not talk about the things the attacker will not be able to enjoy anymore. Do not talk about the future they are losing due to those 20 minutes of action. Talk about what was taken away from the one who was attacked. Talk about how they hurt. How they can't eat or sleep at night. How they deal with nightmares and feel completely and utterly alone. Stand up and be their voice when their own is too shaky to speak. Hold them up high and put the attackers where they belong. In the scum filled gutter.

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