As the year ends

As we move to the end of 2018 I sit here and think about the months past. Actually, I think about years past. Everyone who has come and gone in my life. The holidays past. The loved ones I have lost. One thing keeps crossing my mind. Have I truly lived my life fully?

Many may wonder why that question is on my mind. For a good while, meaning I can not remember exactly when these symptoms started, I have had issues with dizziness. There have been other symptoms, but this year it has all been a lot worse. So this year has been a barrage of test and doctor visits. Finally as this year comes to an end some answers are coming out. An MRA has shown an abnormality in my Left Vertebral Artery. Two days from now I will be having a CT Scan done to see I guess exactly what the cause is. Pretty sure it is my neck since I have cervical spondylosis. Not exactly what I wanted to hear so close to Christmas, but it is nice to know for sure that I am in fact having mini strokes.

So, I wonder if goals in the new year really are worth making. Just to accomplish the few for this year has been a real battle. This medical stuff has made me feel so tired. Some days all I want to do is lay on my couch and nap. I want my kids to be shown no matter what things can be worked around or over come to accomplish a lot in life. Really though, how can I find the energy to kick off a business? What if I get to the point I am unable to do anything. Then what do I do? I already feel like I am having to be taken care of by everyone including my kids instead of me being the one taking care of everyone. It is a true struggle to be able to sit and allow others to care for me. Might be because I have no other choice really. I stand up to do much of anything and within minutes I am having to lay down and rest. Do any of you out there struggle with something in life? How do you get through it?

Tomorrow I go to see the ENT. I need to get my ears checked so that can be ruled out as another cause for my vertigo as well. My ears need to be checked anyways. Been long due since I seem to have issues with my ears. I swear I am falling apart with age so fast instead of aging gracefully it seems. For once I am ready for Christmas to come and go. I have had a good year as far as accomplishing my goals for the year. Outside of that it has gone by kind of fast. Been filled with way too much medical stuff and too many "Well, that test was normal let's try this."

Good night and many blessings!