Thursday, December 9, 2010

Merry Freakin' Christmas...

This holiday has not turned out the way I wish it would have. I have been trying to be in the Christmas spirit. Have been trying to remember the reason for the season. I have had my ups and my downs this year during the holidays, but who doesn't. Money is always a factor of stress in our home. Money has gone to being one of the last things on my mind as of yesterday afternoon. Right now I could careless if we went broke, because all I can think about is the words the doctor spoke. "We are doing surgery on January 28th. We might be looking at removing his entire left kidney."

Surgery alone on your child is scary enough, but to hear they might have to remove one of your child's organs. This is extremely scary and honestly I have held back my tears as long as I could. I can't hold them back any longer. Nightmares have started of what could happen. Worry and fear is starting to set in. It is so hard to be a parent and be strong for your child. I would love to know those with the secret to how they stay so cool under pressure.

How am I supposed to sit and be happy this Christmas knowing in a little over a month my baby boy is going to be cut open and possibly come home in lack of one organ? How am I suppose to enjoy the little joys of life with my kids this holiday? I want to smile and be happy with them. I want to do fun Christmas related things, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about "surgery" and "removing kidney". Then I choke back and try as hard as I can to hold back my tears. Everything happens for a reason. However I am still trying to figure out the reason for all of this happening. I guess just another one of life's test.

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