Hello Lovelies!
Yes today's blog title can be a bit scary for some.
However, it is something we need to stop hiding from as well as behind.
Everybody has struggles in their lives. No single struggle is greater than another.
It is all about how we react to our struggles though that determine so much.
Right now my daily struggle is pain. It drives me insane sometimes.
Another is impatience. I swear I am being tested.
Everything right now I am having to deal with is taking a lot of time.
Took a year to find out I had a small left vertebral artery.
Took a year to find a decent doctor who was going to listen.
Now it is going to be over a year before I can see a GI specialist about some issues.
So, how do I get through my struggles?
Some days it really is hard to get past them.
On days my muscles are tensed up real bad I tend to be lazy.
Being lazy doesn't help me any though. It actually causes the pain to be worse at times.
It also causes another struggle which is my weight.
My husband is helping me try and push through this.
We actually are planning on visiting a Planet Fitness later this week.
I really am interested in the hydro massage bed for my back and neck.
I also need to get active at the least 30 minutes a day.
I do not get outside to walk so this will be the next best thing.
Another struggle for me is motivation.
It isn't from the lack of trying, but more from the lack of energy.
When my energy levels dip low I end up having issues concentrating.
This actually is something that affected my efforts in the past.
I get extremely motivated and excited in blogging then after a few days I fizzle out.
My brain decides it does not want to focus and it is a real struggle for me.
I am hoping better organization of my time will help me in this department.
Maybe writing when my energy and focus are up.
I also struggle with self esteem.
This affects my ability to do a lot of things.
Low self esteem affects so much!
I have a passion for music. I always wanted to be a singer.
I allowed negative words from others keep me from doing what I had a passion for.
As a teen I grew to have a passion for fashion.
I would draw out my own designs all the time. I still to this day have an eye for patterns and colors.
Again, being told I would never succeed ended that dream.
So many dreams I ever had were stomped out fast.
Now all I am left with is a shell.
A shell filled with doubt in myself.
I am slowly trying to get over this since I want to be a YouTube Influencer.
I also have gotten over doubting myself as much and published my first book.
Not only did I self publish it on my own, I also designed and created the cover.
I did everything except for editing by myself.
I have also shared poems in the past that I had written.
Doing so got me awarded editor choice awards.
There have been times when my poems were not chosen for publications.
That is okay though. Rejection is not a sign of failure.
It simply just means there is something better in the future.
Do I struggle with depression?
Depression is a very taboo subject. Anything dealing with mental health is really.
I will answer this one with full honesty.
Yes.
It is not all the time. As a matter of fact everyone at some point struggles with it.
We all have moments when we feel really down.
But yes, at times I do deal with depression.
I get through this by having a good cry.
If I am depressed feeling and emotional then it means I really need to just let it all out.
I can not hide behind a smile forever.
I do cry and feel down a good bit lately when I am dealing with medical stuff.
Especially at the end of last year. I had no answers and nothing being explained to me.
All I could think about was what is going to happen when I have another 'episode'.
We were thinking those episodes were small strokes.
Can you imagine going to bed Christmas Eve worrying if you will wake up Christmas morning?
So, at these times I sit alone and cry.
Even when people hurt me. I allow myself to cry for one day then I am up and running the next.
My list of struggles go on but I remind myself one thing.
It is not about the struggles I face.
It is about how I allow those struggles to define me.
Am I going to let them control my life? No.
I didn't allow it days after having surgery on my back for Scoliosis.
I dang sure am not going to allow it to do so now.
So remember this when you are facing a hard time in your life.
You are stronger than you ever can imagine.
Push forward and this too shall pass.
Also, and I know this is a clique, remember there really are silver linings to grey clouds.
Stay strong and keep your head up!
Until Next Time!
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